garregmach | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ It's been a few days since the first arrivals trickled in to this iteration of the monastery, and there's been some improvement to the area, at least.

Which is fortunate, really, because the clouds have finally decided to open up and let out a torrential downpour.

The grass out in the courtyard almost immediately becomes saturated with water, squishing beneath people's feet as they step through it. Drainage in the monastery is a real problem in some parts, particularly near the marketplace area. Slowly, as time passes, pools begin to form, though some of the remaining debris serves as a decent buffer between the water and whatever crates merchants may have left behind. It may be a good idea to salvage some of that, though it's not likely to be ruined thanks to said debris. In general, it's likely a rude awakening for any new arrivals.

Of course, some would say that rainy days are the best when it comes to fishing; some would even say they're right, given how the fish seem to be out in droves at the lake. If one didn't mind potentially getting soaked, they could bring in a real haul during this rainstorm. The dining hall is not nearly as well stocked as it had been in its heyday, so this could potentially be beneficial for the community.

For some, it's likely best to stay inside and find shelter from the rain. Thankfully, most of the monastery roofing seems to be intact, save for a few sizeable holes in the cathedral. Still, that doesn't mean there isn't a leak here and there, so watch your step, particularly in the dining hall and the second floor of the dormitories as well. It might not be a bad idea to put a few buckets out to catch all that water . . . ]

[[ MORE HOUSEKEEPING, hey what's up guys:

please PM this journal if there are more setting changes you'd like to be noted! i.e. if your character did some sprucing up in the greenhouse, just let me know and I will update the setting page accordingly.
as noted on the "mod" plurk, I'll try putting up open posts roughly once a week going forward. it'll depend on how things are going, no big. ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Oh, he hears it. He actually looked away before he saw anything... he thinks? Bernadetta is modestly endowed, so it's possible he could have seen more cleavage than is appropriate and not realize it. Thankfully, he isn't flustered enough to include that in his rambling reassurance:]

No, I did not — I looked away as soon as I saw it slipping, I promise, I do not believe I saw anything I should not! And even if I did, a man that would consider a woman unmarriageable for such a trivial thing is an unworthy partner, anyway!

[It has to be uncomfortable on the ground like that, he can't bear for her to feel like she has to curl up on the ground.]

I can put the patch over my good eye if you like? Or — my shirt is dry I believe, I have been in here longer than you. I can give it to you to wear until your clothing is dry.

[There's a miserable little sniffle from the blanket ball.]

Y-You don't have to pretend to be nice.... useless, stupid, thoughtless, shameless...!

[Never mind the fact that she's basically shame incarnate right now.]

I'm not...

[Ah, but he understands. Feeling exposed when you hate yourself is horrifying — it feels as if anyone who looks would surely only feel disgusted. Dimitri falls quiet, getting up to retrieve his shirt and placing it next to where he can see the fabric of the blanket being tugged taut by her fingers.]

Here. I really did not see anything, but if it will make you feel better... perhaps I could show you what's underneath my eyepatch?

...what?

[She... she doesn't understand how he came to that offer at all. She definitely didn't expect him to finish the sentence with -eyepatch' but her scandalized gasp choked in her throat before she could cut him off with another semi-hysterical interlude. Hearing the full sentence confuses her enough that she actually peeks out, just an eye and some bangs uncovered.]

I-I don't understand.

You feel as if someone has seen a part of your body you did not wish for them to see. Perhaps it feels like I might laugh, or you fear that I will tell others, or that I think less of you somehow — so... if I show you a part of myself I do not want others to see because I trust that you will not do any of those things, then perhaps it will be easier for you to trust that I will not do any of those things, either.

[Or maybe not. Maybe she is really just a girl that's simply embarrassed over a man potentially seeing her partially nude, but he thinks it's more than that.]

Wha... no!

[She scrambles up, but this time is mindful enough to keep a deathgrip on the quilt. All that peeks out this time is a little white knee.]

That's... I-I mean, you're not wrong, that... that is part of h-how I feel. But you shouldn't have to hurt yourself just to try and make me feel better! That's... not fair. I m-mean, if, if you want to show me, I'll look, and—and I definitely won't do those things either, but...! But...

[She bites her lip and looks up at him, helplessness creaking under the weight of a sudden determination.]

But... we're... w-we're friends, aren't we? And seeing somebody I care about suffer, even a little bit, especially for me... I don't want that. S-So... if it will hurt you, if it's scary, or if you don't want to but you're making yourself do it anyways... then, just don't do it. It's okay.

[She reaches out, faltering and hesitant, but eventually touches the back of his hand, ever so gently.]

You... don't have to buy my trust with grand gestures. It doesn't have that sort of crazy price. Sometimes... just... sitting nearby and letting me ride out these, these... fits... well, that's plenty. At least... at least it is, to me.

[The touch to his hand gets his attention immediately. Dimitri keeps himself covered from head to toe, and it's rare for him to touch someone directly. But the warmth of another person truly is soothing, isn't it? He's reminded of when the professor reached out to him after what happened with Rodrigue, just a little.

Of course. He wouldn't want someone to hurt themselves for him, he hates it. Since the potential hurt, in this case, wouldn't be physical, it didn't occur to him, but... no. He's only known her for a short time, but he already knows she wouldn't want that, either. Dimitri shakes his head, carefully patting her hand with the one she isn't touching.]

It is because I have no fear of your reaction that it isn't frightening. I suppose I failed to express that properly.

[Because she won't pity him for it, will she? She didn't pity him when he told her he couldn't taste not even an hour ago, she just focused on the things he still can do.]

...

[It's strange. She's been wearing gloves for so long, only taking them off to stitch or indulge in her other hobbies. She... can't remember the last time she touched somebody's bare skin like this.

Slowly, carefully, she squeezes. She feels as though she's on some strange, invisible precipice, and she doesn't want to mess up.

She takes a breath, and exhales slowly.]

My father. Those—words. I heard them from him day in and day out. Nothing I did was good enough—I wasn't poised enough, I couldn't interest the suitors he wanted, I couldn't even stay silent for more than a few hours, even when tied down and left alone. At first... being alone was a punishment. A way to keep me away from children who didn't meet his standards. He even drove my first friend away, brutally. But eventually, being all alone became my refuge. If I locked myself in my room, he could shout at the door until he was hoarse, but he couldn't—

[She shrugs a little. The quilt behaves properly, this time.]

Well, eventually I just... kept hearing those words anyways. Even when it was silent. Because, in a lot of ways I just... never changed from the little girl who heard them all in the first place.

[It hurts, to say all this out loud. But... Dimitri's right.

For once, she's actually not frightened.]

[Such brutality, and without even the excuse of it being in the heat of battle. To tear an innocent down piece by piece, day after day is a kind of cruelty that Dimitri truly can't understand. But the crushing pain of hearing that voice when no words are being spoken, that voice that constantly whispers that nothing he does will ever make him worthy, that he's unfit to interact with the living, that it's an indelible sin for him to still be standing when so many others have fallen in his stead — that is something he understands.]

Those words are a lie. You are worthy of the life you have been given. It is not something you have to earn by being "good enough". But...

[Dimitri turns his hand over so that his palm faces hers, lightly cupping her hand.]

I know that the ghosts of the past cannot be chased away so easily. I know because I hear that voice, too — it drove me to madness. You shielded yourself with a door. I shielded myself with wrath.

...no.

[She shakes her head, but instead of retreating her grip strengthens, and her voice quavers a little less.]

I shielded myself... I still shield myself with fear. And that's not worse than what you decided to do, and it's not better, either.

[So don't even start, Storybook Prince.]

Maybe one of us was right, or both of us were wrong. Maybe it would have been better if I got mad, or... or if you retreated away from everybody. I... don't know. I don't know what should have happened, or if there was a better way up from the dark times. B-But I'm glad that I got to meet you here. Even with what I had to go through to get here. The voices and everything else outside my door are... really hard to face, sometimes. And sometimes I fail. But, I always try again another day, and sometimes... sometimes, I find really nice surprises. Sometimes, I realize that the people I've been so busy being scared of approaching are actually... really nice.

[She pauses.]

Even if they are scissor-breakers, somehow.

[Dimitri didn't mean it that way, but she certainly is quick to catch on to his habit of self-deprecation, isn't she? Somehow, that makes him smile.]

Indeed. I will still get angry, and you will still feel fear, because both of those things are part of being human. So long as we do not cling to them, though, we can always try again.

[Honestly, this conversation is so candid that he can feel his face getting hot. When was the last time he let someone get close this quickly? Even with the professor, it took a while...

It was probably with El. That seems like a lifetime ago, despite the fact that he can remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. Parting with her pains him still, and if he retains his memory of this place when the spell on it breaks, this parting will surely hurt, too.

Even so:]

I am glad that I met you, as well.

[It's more than a little unsettling for her, too, to think of how... easy it was, to get the words out. Even with Dorothea, it had taken weeks of patience on the songstress's part. She had injured Ferdinand. Caspar had to essentially kidnap her for the sake of a friendly outing.

But...

"I know because I hear that voice, too."

Maybe she can say it because a lot of what goes unsaid about her situation doesn't need to be said. He already understands.

Somewhere along the way, between now and the last time she saw her dear old uncle, she forgot about how nice that is.]

Right. Just, um... if you could maybe try to not get angry around me, I-I'd appreciate it.

I cannot think of a reason I would ever become angry with you.

[Angry for her, on the other hand... that is another matter entirely, and he cannot promise that it won't happen. Dimitri curls his fingers inward a bit more — it's meant to be a squeeze, but he's afraid of snapping those little fingers if he genuinely squeezes. He draws back afterward, picking up the shirt again and placing it in her hand instead.

He still hasn't noticed the spot on the collar where he ripped it from trying to yank it on too hard.]

Now, here. It is warm and dry enough that your own clothing should be serviceable within the hour. Until then, please wear this.

I thought you might say something like that. It's why I said "around" me.

[She blinks at the shirt in her hand, a bit befuddled, before some of what he was saying actually sinks in.]

O-Oh. Thanks, Dimitri.

[The blanket bundle makes a brief return as she retreats underneath it once more, and then there's a... long pause.]

................um. Dimitri?

[Oh, she called him by name... twice! She also called him out, but he is choosing to ignore that because he does not like to make promises he can't keep. Better to focus on having someone here that will both call him and friend and call him by his name, two things which should intersect far more often than they do, but alas, they do not. (At least there's Mercedes, she truly is an angel.)]

Hmm?

Can you hand me my thigh holster? It's laid out by my garters and socks.

[A single hand emerges from the rumpled quilt.]

I, um...

[How to put this gently?]

I need to do a little patching, or we'll just do this whole thing all over again.

[Frowning slightly, Dimitri gets up to retrieve the holster as requested. Only once he's handed it over does he bother saying anything.]

Here you are. ...but why? There should be nothing wrong with the shirt...

Ahaha...

[She doesn't actually answer him, as she takes her little sewing kit back.

A few minutes later, when she emerges in a shirt that might as well be a dress on her, the fresh tear at the collar has been patched shut with some of the golden thread she had squirreled away, in a quick but nice enough rendition of his Crest.

Edelgard had given them all information on possible hostile abilities they might face, but she likes putting it to a nicer use.]

[Initially, he's a little startled to see it. It's not like a rendition of the crest of Blaiddyd suddenly makes the shirt more modest (it's a high-necked shirt anyway), but as he examines it, he realized what happened.]

Was... there a tear?

Oh, uh... j-just a little one?

[It was easily a handspan long, actually, but... well, he's sensitive about this! She can spare his feelings. Or... try to, at least.]

All fixed, either way. When we have more supplies stocked up, I'll make you a new one, anyways.

[Dimitri scowls, but it's not in a truly angry way — if anything, it looks like he's just pouting. He's been so careful not to tear his clothes here, he knows there are no easy replacements! He folds his arms too, hugging himself.]

I see. Well, thank you for the repairs. I would ask that you focus on making clothing for the others first, though, especially those without appropriate winter wear. My clothing is adequate for the weather.

[If she were taller, she might be possessed by the insane urge . to pat his head consolingly.]

Well, yes, but you only have the one set.

[And he literally gave her the shirt off his back at the first sign of need. She has some concerns, now...

this may require some Black Eagle-tier cunning. The kind of political maneuvering and cutthroat acumen that would make Edelgard and Hubert proud.]

...you really wouldn't accept it? Even as a gift from a f-friend...? ...well, I-I guess if it's an imposition...

[Poor Dimitri, he has no defenses against that sort of thing. Save for Sylvain, his friends aren't really the manipulative type. He's easily pushed around by people he cares about, and that goes double when it's someone sensitive like Bernadetta. His eye widens as Dimitri shakes his head quickly.]

No, of course not! It is not an imposition, and I would... be happy to receive something from a friend, but I am not in need. Surely, it would be better for you to make something warm for yourself, or for Hilda or Flayn...

[Bernadetta isn't the naturally manipulative type, which is why she is giving him the biggest, most pathetic-looking Bambi eyes Fòdlan has ever seen. The guilt is already eating her alive...

He's such a nice man.]

I can do that too, but if you spend all your time worrying about us, then... then somebody ought to be worrying about you, too!

[And Bernadetta is a champion worrier.]

Edited (calm down spacebar, damn) 2019-10-03 23:15 (UTC)

I suppose there is some truth to that.

[Goddess have mercy, he can't even look at her. Dimitri stares off to the side, reddening. Though he has people to look out for him, Bernadetta says it so straightforwardly that he can't help but be embarrassed. Dimitri knows he has a tendency to overwork and not take care of himself, though, so she isn't wrong.]

...very well, then. I accept your offer. Truly, though, I do not need more warm clothing. When the weather warms up, I would appreciate something lighter. I get hot easily.

Edited 2019-10-04 00:19 (UTC)