garregmach | (no subject)

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A mist settles in over the monastery.

Is it morning? Night? Who can say? Today, the day feels endless. The sun is nowhere to be seen — or had it been at all? Instead, a curious green glow engulfs Garreg Mach, like an eternal twilight settling in. Time seems to be paused almost, though the wildlife in and around the area continues to act as though nothing is wrong. As though this is perfectly normal. As though it is natural for the skies to be dark, with not a single star in sight, and for the sun to be forgotten in the mist that lingers. The paths are at least lit by small orbs of light, fireflies flitting about.

However, should one come into contact with one of those fireflies, a memory of the past will be projected for all in the close vicinity to see. Joyous occasions, tragic events — they don't seem to discern one way or another. Perhaps it would be best to watch your step for now, though.

Of course, after lingering for about a day, the strange ambience will fade into what appears to be a normal night at Garreg Mach. It's as if nothing had happened at all. Did it? Or was it all simply a shared hallucination?

[ ● MEMSHARE POST. Coming into contact with the fireflies will share a memory of your character's with those around them. You can top-level with a memory to start out or have people tag you and determine it then, whatever. I don't make the rules (except I do and I say yolo). Have fun with it!
● Open posts like this one are flipping to a two week schedule instead of a weekly one.
● Because of the above, the last bit is there for people who'd maybe like to play out aftermath threads later on but don't want to wait for a new post or make a new one.
● Settings have been slightly updated. ]

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I... I guess you could say that. Huh. I've... I've never thought of it like that.

[But leave it to Felix to point that out. She has to laugh, a little.

His next sentence brings her up short, though.]

Some... someone like me? W-What do you mean?

[Those words never even mean anything good when she says them.]

[Felix throws her a questioning look, not really liking the sound of that whilst wondering why she's so worked up over it.

...Right, because she's Bernadetta.]

You're an indispensable commander with an interesting technique to match.

[Guess who hasn't forgotten about her flailing technique.]

It'd be a waste of your talents if you just holed up somewhere all the time.

...

[She's quiet for a long time.]

I-I'm not.

[Her voice has an odd waver to it, as she looks away.]

I'm... I'm actually really easily dispensable, a-as it turns out. S... sorry to disappoint you.

I don't believe that.

[Felix says, his gaze fierce.]

You were important in our battle against Edelgard, as well as suppressing Rhea after that. I don't know how we would have managed everything if you weren't on our side then.

[Not just Bernadetta. Every one of his former classmates were vital to the operations leading to ending the war and the unification of Fodlan.]

[She pulls away from him, suddenly, shaking her head hard. Not just to deny his words, or his praise, but to reject the very principal of what he's saying.]

I never fought against Edelgard. Not once. Not ever.

[She's... she's a little surprised to find herself a tiny bit angry at the very thought, even with her final, despair-filled moments still all too fresh in her head. Though, she's less surprised to find that anger translating to the beginning of tears all too quickly.]

I—died for her. At Gronder. They—I was stationed at the ballista and they... the other forces took it. And... the whole thing went up in flames, after they did. And I faded out, and I was here.

[That adverse reaction was quite extreme, to say the least of it, and has Felix's eyes widening for a bit, and him backing off slightly, hands raised in faux surrender as he ponders, unsure of what to do that moment.]

I see.

[That, at least, explains why she was so jittery when they first met.]

...I didn't know.

["I'm sorry" hardly seems fitting, especially when he doesn't feel as such, and far from him to apologize for something that isn't technically his fault.]

[She swipes at eyes with her sleeve, just... shaking her head wordlessly for another moment.]

N-No, it's...

[Not fine, obviously.]

It's over. You wouldn't know. Must've... I must have told one of the other two, instead. I'm... I-I'm sorry you thought I was someone I'm not.

No need to apologize. I imagine it's rather difficult to keep track of... all of us.

[Felix presses a hand to his temple, sighing. And here he is, making a similar mistake as well. How foolish of him to assume she's the same Bernadetta he came to respect as a comrade and a person.

Still... there are overlaps, making the distinctions all the more glaring. With Dimitri, it is the changes he wished his own would have undertaken. For Bernadetta, it's her loyalty to Edelgard, one that he didn't see his own express that much.

Truly, this world can be so messed up sometimes.]

One of you got so upset over the confusion he cut his ponytail off. I-I just stood there and stared. All I could do was bring him to my room and even it out...

[Though, that one did tell her not to blame herself too.

But, let's be real. It's Bernadetta.]

I don't... I don't know why your Bernadetta chose what she did. Or... who she did, or who you followed. And... and I may not be very brave or... or indispensable. But, I-I don't... I won't turn my back on the people I'm lucky enough to call my friends. ...e-even if it's really scary. So...

[Slowly, tentatively, she goes up on her toes so she can gently pat his head. If she hasn't gotten things totally mixed, hopefully this is the Felix that did this for her. Hopefully.]

I-I! I'd, um... I'd like to call you one. I-If that's okay. But it... doesn't have to be! Since, since I'm just... well, I'm just me but I... I'd like it if we were, anyways. If you want.

[Goddess, what was she thinking?! That's a terrible offer! Why did she do that? Why would he ever accept? Why is she still petting his head?!]

Edited 2019-10-27 07:16 (UTC)

[Cut his hair off? Not that Felix can't see himself doing that, but considering his reasons for keeping his hair the way it is... that's a thing he can only see himself in doing in a more extreme circumstance.

But when Bernadetta reaches for his head like that, Felix finds his thoughts snapping back to the present. He, of course, hears what Bernadetta has been saying this whole time, but the impact of them only seems to sink in then.

...Friends, huh. Of course they are. Even if this isn't his Bernadetta... she hasn't given him any reason to think of her as an enemy, and back in his world, he supposes their relationship could be considered as such. It's not quite the same as what he shares with Sylvain, Ingrid, or Dimitri, but there's something comfortable about Bernadetta's presence that makes him allow her in, flailing and all. And he knows that he'd be devastated should he lose her one way or another.

This, perhaps, is the first time he's glad they never went to Gronder--if such a fate is what awaited Bernadetta in that place.]

...You don't have to ask, [Felix mutters, coloring slightly at the childishness of the act. They already are friends, but it just feels strange to admit such a mushy thing like that, so he settles for averting his gaze and covering half of his face with his hand lightly balled into a fist.]

Though I clearly remember saying I'd be the one to do this, next time.

[Still, he doesn't budge from his spot, oddly welcoming the contact.]

I do. Because—because if you don't ask, if you don't get a clear answer, th-then... then, well, you'll always, always wonder, and doubt. You'll... doubt yourself, and the other person, and how they really see you. If they see you or... or something else, or someone else.

[Bernadetta wrote the book on insecurity, she knows what she's about.

But she hasn't stopped petting him yet, and she doesn't know why. Probably because he hasn't asked her to stop yet.]

So—for your sake, and m-mine, um... I want to be friends with the Felix Hugo Fraldarius I'm talking to right now. The one who patted my head and helped me hang quilts, and gave me a pretty hairclip. The one who knows how much like his smile. S-So... so, I'll ask again, just in case. Will you be my friend, Felix?

[Felix knows Bernadetta isn't intending to hurt him with those words, but all the same, the words she says hits a nerve. As someone who had been doubting himself on a certain matter for far too long, it's a wound that's too raw at the moment, too close to the heart in more ways than one.

But being remembered as he is brings with it an unexpected comfort, a reminder that for however aimless his existence is at the moment, he does... matter. By Goddess, he does. Even if Felix has a hard time convincing himself of such a thing, of having a purpose beyond wielding his sword after all that he's lost, Bernadetta thinks of him as someone worthy of being a friend. The same thing that person has been telling him as well. The memory combined with his present seizes his throat with a force he's unfortunately been becoming more intimately familiar with since his arrival in this place, weighing upon his chest as Bernadetta finalizes her question.

In lieu of words, Felix wraps an arm around Bernadetta's waist and pulls her close. His other arm crosses over her shoulders, his hand pressing lightly against the back of her head to keep her forehead rested against his shoulder. This way, she doesn't have to see the way tears start to prickle at the corner of his eyes, never mind the shaky exhale he lets out as he tries to stifle the sob that threatens to wrack his body.

Yes, he will be--no, is--her friend. But it doesn't stop the future from being daunting, this place being a fragile moment in time that can slip by their fingers just as easily. Felix fears for Bernadetta's future after this as much as he does for his, terrified of what awaits her should she be mercilessly thrown back to where this world picked her off from. And that's what has him embracing her so tightly, as if it would prevent her from disappearing from this present moment and rescue her from that cruel fate.]

Um, u-um—

[N-No, don't cry! If he cries, she'll have to cry and... oh Goddess, her eyes are pricking already.

She loops her arms around his back in return, squeezing back. She's had more hugs in the time since waking up here than she has in the last five years combined, and it overwhelms her each and every time.]

Um, I—can't speak for your Bernadetta—no, no, not, uh, that she's—that you—that you would ever—no, Bernie, focus!

[Deep breaths, girl.]

She... made different choices than me. And, and I'm not judging her for that, but... they'll have consequences for her. And—well, I-I'm going to assume some things for a minute, i-if that's okay? You're... really strong. ...Uh, that's not the assumption, hold on—you're really strong and that doesn't actually... change some facts. Y-You can't fight off death, or weird... holy... time... magic, or... whatever is really keeping us here.

[She has a point, bear with her.]

I... I don't have anything to go back to, whenever all this ends. And, I don't know what's waiting for you, but, your... that other me? I... know what's waiting for her, after you all part ways. You see, um... if you defeated Edelgard, that means my—her—our? ...our father isn't under house arrest anymore. So, um... I guess... I guess what I'm asking is...

[Is this the right way to comfort him? Probably not, but she'll try anyways.]

If I'm your friend, and she's your friend? Please... don't let her go back to that alone, when you see her again. That's a fight that's definitely winnable, even... even if she feels like it isn't.

I know.

[Felix's voice comes out hoarser than he wants it to be, but it's too difficult for him to care about the appearance he wishes to keep up. Everything coming to an end here is something he constantly fears, a fact which keeps him from acting on certain things that bother him time and again. It's a miracle he's able to mouth the words when his heart threatens to leap out of hiis chest, the urge to do so getting stronger with each word Bernadetta speaks.]

And... I won't.

[Felix grits his teeth as he buries his nose into Bernadetta's hair. Won't let his Bernadetta fight alone, or this Bernadetta just disappear off to the sorry fate she's supposedly destined for once this spell is broken.

He can't. He won't. It's just too horrible if that's all that waited for her, and for those who cared about her. It echoes his own pain about a certain other person too well, but with him standing on the opposite end of the situation so to speak.]

But... promise me...

[...that you'll try and fight your fate anyway.

The words never make it past his lips, and what does is a choked sob, his tears dripping into Bernadetta's hair as he continues to hold her close.]

[She can't tell if she's helped him or made things utterly, incomparably worse. The desperate embrace doesn't fit naturally with what little knowledge she has of the Felix of five years ago, and so she can only ascribe it to the same standards of anybody clutching her like their very life depended on it.

Unfortunately, she's never even dreamed of being held so desperately before, herself.

Luckily, she has written about it.

So, she pretends she's the heroine of a still-ongoing saga and shifts so she can rub slow, comforting circles against his back. Her voice is soft, and terribly gentle.]

Promise you...?

[It does end up having a calming effect on him, and one shaky breath later, Felix manages to get a better hold of himself, even if this voice comes out hoarse:]

...Will live.

[It's not quite the same as the earlier thing he had in mind, but the sentiment is similar and has him trembling slightly as he gives Bernadetta a squeeze.]

Oh, Felix.

[Her voice shrinks and she sighs and goes limp against him.]

I... don't know that I'll get that choice. But, um... if I somehow s-survived all that, a-and... and whoever... possibly pulled me out of that wreckage permits it, I'll... I'll try. I promise.

[It's a chilling thought.

If she survived... she'd be heavily wounded, weak, and a prisoner of war. She shudders in his arms, and tries not to think of it.]

[Given the impracticality of this promise, what he hears from Bernadetta is more than enough, the best she can give in this situation in light of the bleak future that awaits her. Yet, expected as it is, he still can't help but continue to hold her close for a little longer, to indulge in that reassurance that Bernadetta is, in this world, still alive in every sense of the word.]

...Thank you.

[It's two words he normally doesn't say in lieu of his usual bluster, but with the latter gone, it escapes as easily as his tears that had spilled forth either. With his eyes now dry, Felix blinks as he finally lets go of Bernadetta, averting his gaze as he takes the time to rub his eyes on his sleeve.]

I haven’t done anything, though?

[It feels odd, to have his arms unwrap. She thinks all these hugs are going to spoil her for the rest of her maybe-life, and scolds herself when she feels disappointment starting to sprout as he pulls away. She musters up a wan smile for him though, because he looks like he needs it.]

If anything, I mean... shouldn’t I be saying that, after you went and got all sweet for my sake?

[Felix ducks away from that, casting his gaze to the side in abject embarrassment as he covers half his face with his hand.]

I wasn't being sweet!

[And so all is right again in Felix's world. Up to and including the warmth that suffuses him at Bernadetta's sentiment.]

You were.

[Her smile grows a little. Perhaps multiple Felixs—Felices?—have raised her threshold, or perhaps the extended embrace is still emboldening her.]

It... it was really sweet, actually. Thank you, Felix.

[...Well. What in the world is he supposed to say to that?

Defeated, he sighs, still not looking Bernadetta's way.]

Don't count on it often.

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